Jesus, Our model for Humanity

Dealing with emotional maturity is no easy task as there are times when we don’t know what to do with them especially if they are intense ‘negative’ emotions. For the most part, people are able to handle and enjoy positive emotions. As a result, we tend to try and hold onto these and make them last as long as possible. However with ‘negative’ emotions, the majority of us tend to ignore and hide away from any kind of emotional pain.

Looking at Jesus, as a human being, we see a wide variety of emotions that he displayed ranging from joy to anger and sorrow. How can we learn from Jesus and deal with our emotional issues in a productive and healthy way? In order to begin, we also need to understand what we have been taught by our culture and those closest to us.

The Western Worldview

This worldview sees emotions as a way of life and has some aspects that are in line with what Jesus teaches. They see that all suffering is a by-product of desire and attachment. This mindset teaches that in order to deal with this type of pain, we need to detach from all desire and let go, so that we can transcend above the desire. This worldview tends to isolate people from their surroundings and circumstances and therefore feelings remain unresolved and unacknowledged. Neil Anderson states that if you fail to acknowledge your emotions appropriately, it will make you spiritually vulnerable. This type of thinking leads us to the belief that we are victims to our circumstances and don’t have control over our emotions or responses.

The eastern worldview

This worldview sees the world in a holistic way that expects opposites to co-exist and are more likely to think consider the broader context. They see themselves as interdependent with others in their community and will often deny self in terms of relationships. Easterners view emotions as emerging from the situations they are in, which means they believe that moods can be altered by changing the context. They often will align thoughts and behaviours with the expectations of their social groups. They believe that distancing themselves from their emotions will help them regulate better. They tend towards suppressing their emotions as they don’t want to affect their community around them. The positive in this is that they don’t withdraw from community but choose to remain socially engaged which generally does boost their mood.

The Modern Church

As a whole, the Church has struggled to give people handles in how to deal with their emotions in a healthy and effective manner. Generally people are encouraged to be positive and happy yet there is a struggle to know what to do when they feel sad, depressed and even angry. Negative emotions are seen as a weakness, something that is devalued and childish, and will eventually lead us astray. Believers are taught to ignore negative emotions, hoping they will go away instead of facing them. The understanding is that emotions are too complicated to deal with as one can experience feelings of excitement and pleasure only to drop into despair, anxiety and bewilderment. Believers tend to think that they are not allowed to vent and express what they are truly feeling.

When in reality, the Bible is filled with real life examples of men and woman who are willing to examine the full spectrum of their emotions with God. You only have to read the Psalms to see how honest David is in expressing his pain and anger with God. We are invited by God to be honest with Him about what we are feeling and also to examine those emotions and not to ‘sweep them under the rug’.

Your emotions are to your soul what physical feelings are to your body. Contrary to what you have been taught, they are neither good or bad, they are simply a part of you being human. God has designed your emotions as a warning system which gives you information regarding your inner world and outer circumstances. We need to learn how to listen to our emotions as it is a vital part of our maturing in Christ.

Ignoring and suppressing your emotions is like ignoring the oil light on the dashboard of your car. There will be consequences. Suppressing your anger will only lead to you exploding at the wrong time. Denied hurt blooms into bitterness and ignored grief can lead you into depression. Suppressing your emotions will lead up to a tsunami event that destroys relationships around you. You will find yourself being driven by your emotions and will also be less likely to turn towards God. These unacknowledged and repressed emotions can physically make you sick.

emotions are more than something you feel

Your emotions actually have a physical, material substance to them (Proverbs 23 v 7). In the scientific world this is known as “molecules of emotions”. Every time you feel something, your body initiates a physiological change, a chemical release and a behavioural response. The most primitive part of your brain is filled with ancient neural pathways that activate your emotions in response to an external stimuli. We know this as the fight, flight or freeze response.

You may feel at times that your emotions are simply an irrational response but the truth is that your brain has been carefully developing these mechanisms from the time you were born. And it only has one target - to keep you alive! Your emotions are designed by God to protect you!

Your past experiences as well as genetic predispositions influence your brains chemistry and therefore your responses. Which in turn, determines how you react to various environmental triggers. These chemical responses come from your belief systems or thought patterns. Your body produces a whole variety of emotions (chemicals) according to the type of thought that you have. The good news is that you are not victim to your biology or even circumstances. It is how you choose to respond to the events and circumstances of your life that has the biggest impact on your emotional health.

Is there a right way to handle your emotions?

Your ability to express emotion is something that you were taught primarily from childhood! Madz Deysel teaches that expression of our emotions is not an instinctual one. It is also important to know that not everyone is aware of the vast spectrum of their emotions. It depends on what was modelled and taught in your childhood as most people were taught to suppress and even deny their negative emotions as children.

When you choose to face, feel and then express your emotions in a healthy and productive way, it will start the journey of healing. As you begin to understand that your emotions are the first fruits of your thinking, it will help you uncover the lies you believe about God and yourself.

Behind every emotion is a thought

As you learn to think like Jesus, so you are able to change the physical structure of your brain. Toxic thoughts produce toxic emotions, and fear based thoughts in turn produce negative responses in your body. What scientists have found is that toxic and fear based thoughts have a negative impact on your body on a cellular level which causes a break down of healthy cells. Your thoughts literally have the capacity to change structure of matter. Neuroplasticity means that the brain is a malleable and adaptable organ, capable of having renewable characteristics which is what Romans 12 v 2 (being transformed by the renewing of your mind) teaches us. You are made in the image of God and in Christ as 1 Cor 2 v 16 (you have the mind of Christ) tells us.

How you think not only impacts your emotions but also the choices you make. You have the ability to direct your thoughts and therefore the emotions you feel. What is incredible is that everyday new nerve cells were born while you were sleeping. They are there to be used so that you can tear down old toxic thoughts and rebuild new healthy ones. Dr Caroline Leaf tells us that “good thinking = good choices = healthy thoughts and toxic thinking = toxic choices = toxic thoughts”.

Lam 3 v 23 (NET) - “But this I call to mind; therefore I have hope: The LORDʼs loyal kindness never ceases; his compassions never end. They are fresh every morning; your faithfulness is abundant! “My portion is the Lord,” I have said to myself, so I will put my hope in him.

As you grow in self awareness and by developing a language for your emotions, you will start to identify what thoughts triggers your emotions, particularly negative ones. It has been proven that through expressing negative emotions, will cause the toxic chemicals to dissipate. As stated, your emotions are designed to protect you. Negative emotions are meant to be used as red flags and important clues to help you figure out what is going on inside. They are designed by God to let you know when your core needs of love, purpose and value are not being met.

“God, I invite your searching gaze into my heart. Examine me through and through; find out everything that may be hidden within me. Put me to the test and sift through all my anxious cares. See if there is any path of pain I’m walking on, and lead me back to your glorious, everlasting ways— the path that brings me back to you.” - Psalms 139 v 23 - 24 TPT

The Practice

The practice of this week is to learn the Prayer of “Examen”. This ‘prayer’ helps us to rummage through our daily activities looking for God. Prayer is not about “saying prayers” or learning a “new technique” but rather it is about doing whatever is necessary to deepen your friendship with God. We need to learn to ‘do relationship’ with God regularly as well as do relationship with God together as a community. Please be aware of how difficult it can be for you to be fully present in the here and now, so be patient with yourself and allow yourself space and time to settle into this new practice.

• Set aside 10 - 15 min at the end of your day (before you are too sleepy) to practice this. Aim for every evening this week. 

• Start by putting away all distractions and devices. Start as you would with the Breath Prayer. Use it to help you settle and focus. Move into ‘abiding’ with Jesus, imagining that He is with you. 

• Ask Holy Spirit to guide you. Pray something like this ” Holy Spirit, I want to make myself available to you. I want this time to be governed by what you want me to do. Please give me Light to see and then understanding about what I see”.

• Read. Psalms 139 v 23 - 24 as a prayer and an invitation.

• Replay. Ask yourself: What happened today? What are my biggest fears or worries? What are my triggers?

  Notice where God was been active in the last day. Practice the art of 'actively remembering’ your day. Find a moment, no matter how brief or simple, when you felt the grace of God or where God “showed up” for you today?

• Recognise. Looking back over your day recognise when you felt strongly moved in your emotions. Give a name to that particular feeling eg. joy, depression, anger, delight, shame, hope, confusion, regret etc. The main goal is to link your reactions to particular things/moments. Ask God: “Why did I feel that so strongly?” and “Does this reaction reveal my faith or the lack of it?” (if you are struggling to name your emotion, see the Feeling Wheel below to help you) Ask Jesus if he ever felt the same? Read the Gospel texts to see if He reacted the same way you did.

• Repent. Be honest with Jesus about the cause of your strong emotion. If you experienced emotional pain then did you sin as a result? If yes, simply repent (turn back to face God again). Ask Holy Spirit: What lie am I believing? When he reveals that to you ask Him ”What is the truth”?

• Resolve. Thank God for always being with you. Ask Holy Spirit to help you live differently tomorrow. Go to sleep with gratitude that you are forever God’s child. 

Please note: Again, this isn’t a “succeed or fail” project, all you have to do is recall your day and find where God was with you. This is simply a way of ‘signing off’ your day with God and creating a fuller awareness of God being with you during your day and to help you process and acknowledge your emotions (positive or negative).